Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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