How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
