You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
