Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
