I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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