"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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