Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
