We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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