he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
