I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Fuck appropriateness.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
