i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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