Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
