I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
