barbara walters just said penis...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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