If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
