I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
