Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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