im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
