if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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