I love black thongs
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
