this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
