Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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