Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
