I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
