Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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