ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
