Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
