So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i will never coherently bang her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
