Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
