and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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