My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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