Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
