This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
