Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got inside last night via doggy door
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
