I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
