it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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