I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
