you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
