So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
