but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
