Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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