she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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