Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
