Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
