I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She needs sedatives and a leash
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't put those talents on a resume
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
