Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
