FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
