she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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