with your own penis?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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