I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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